ISFJs place a great deal of importance on their personal relationships.
They're generally very giving and loving people, who place the needs
of others above their own. They sometimes have a problem with becoming
overly emotionally needy, and with keeping their true feelings hidden
from others. They take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong
relationships. ISFJs are extremely dependable, and put forth a lot of
energy into keeping things running smoothly. They sometimes have
difficulty saying "no" when asked to do something, and therefore may be
taken for granted.
ISFJ Strengths
- Warm, friendly and affirming by nature
- Service-oriented, wanting to please others
- Good listeners
- Will put forth lots of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
- Excellent organizational capabilities
- Good at taking care of practical matters and daily needs
- Usually good (albeit conservative) at handling money
- Take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
ISFJ Weaknesses
- Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
- May have difficulty branching out into new territory
- Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
- Unlikely to express their needs, which may cause pent-up frustrations to build inside
- Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
- Have difficulty moving on after the end of a relationship
ISFJs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know
was possible before." -- Rollo May |
ISFJs are committed to their relationships. They have very intense feelings,
which is not immediately apparent to others because they tend to hold
things inside themselves without expressing them, unless they have a strong
reason to do so. Their intensity of feeling makes their intimate
relationship their first priority in life, with the possible exception
of God. They seek monogamous, lifelong commitments, and can be depended
upon to be faithful and loyal to their mates once they have made a
commitment.
ISFJs have a difficult time leaving a relationship which is bad, or accepting
that a relationship is over. They tend to put all of the blame on their
own shoulders, and wonder what they should have done to make things work out.
If they have been loyal to their vows and have done their duties, they
will be at a complete loss as to what went wrong, and will have great
difficulty accepting the end. They are "true blue" lovers, and may even
remain faithful to their deceased partners.
ISFJs tend to be very selfless, and to put the needs of others well
before their own needs. This may backfire on them, if they get into
a situation in which they are taken advantage of, and do not
have a good outlet for their strong emotions. In this kind of situation,
the ISFJ might bottle up their feelings inside them, and form strong resentments
against others.
The ISFJ should work on
recognizing their own needs, and place some importance on meeting them,
rather than always putting the needs of others first. After all, if
you can't take care of yourself, how can take care of someone else?
Sexually, the ISFJ sees intimacy as a tangible way of
strengthening their relationship bonds.
They also see as something of a duty, and are likely to be more interested
in serving their partner than in their own personal satisfaction.
Although the ISFJ is not likely to be very wordy about expressing their
love and affection, they're likely to do so through their deeds, and will
deeply value their partner's responding affirmations.
The ISFJ is very warm and selfless. They'll put forth tremendous
amounts of energy and time into doing what they feel is ther duty.
What makes them feel best about themselves is when others show them
their appreciation of the ISFJ. Consequently, the best gift that the
partner of an ISFJ can give them is the expression of their love and
appreciation.
ISFJs have difficulty with conflict situations, and would much prefer to
just sweep things under the rug. Sometimes facing a conflict situation
helps to resolve it, and the ISFJ should realize that the world will not
end if they face the conflict, and express how they feel about it.
A conflict situation is not necessarily a "problem" which needs to be
gotten rid of, and it is also not necessarily the ISFJ's fault.
It's a common problem for ISFJ's to not express their feelings until pushed to
some limit, after which they explode in anger and say things which they
later feel they shouldn't have said. These kinds of outbursts can be
reduced by expressing their feelings on a more regular basis, rather than
keeping them pent up inside.
In general, the ISFJ is usually a traditional, family-minded individual
who places the comfort of their mates and families as their first priority
in life. They're great for providing for everyday basic needs, and have
a depth of caring which is very unusual, and not found in most types.
They highly invested in the health of their relationships, and will work
very hard to make things run smoothly. They are dependable and affectionate
lovers.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy
relationship, the ISFJ's natural partner is the
ESTP, or the
ESFP.
ISFJ's dominant function of Introverted Sensing is best matched with a partner
whose dominant function is Extraverted Sensing.
How did we arrive
at this?
ISFJs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran |
Parenthood is seen as natural state and duty to the ISFJ. They are
responsible about ensuring that their children have their practical needs
met, and try to teach them the rules and observations of our society so
that they grow into responsible and independent adults.
ISFJs may have difficulty administering punishment or discipline to their
chldren, although most are able to overcome this discomfort because they
feel it is their greater duty to instill their children with sound values.
As individuals who value order and structure, they're likely to create
well-defined boundaries and roles for their children to live within.
ISFJ parents have a very difficult time if their children grow into
"problem" adults They tend to believe that it is their responsibility,
and that they didn't work hard enough to raise their children well.
This may or may not be the case, but usually it isn't. The ISFJ usually
puts forth a lot of energy and effort, and doesn't give themselves credit
for doing so.
In many ways, an ISFJ makes an ideal parent. Their children will not lack
for structure, appropriate guidelines, or warmth and affection. Their
children will remember and value the ISFJ parent for their warm natures
and genuine efforts on their children's behalf.
ISFJs as Friends
Although the ISFJ is likely to place God and family above their friends
in their priorities, they genuinely enjoy spending time with friends
and colleagues. In fact, ISFJs usually feel a strong need to talk problems
and issues over with people before making decisions on their actions.
Some ISFJs like to discuss things over with their friends, rather than their
families.
ISFJs enjoy spending time with most other types of people. The love to observe
people's reactions and emotions in situations, and so enjoy being around
diverse types of people. The ISFJ usually remains reserved around others,
and does not open up very much. However, since they have a need to talk
things over with others in order to make decisions, they do really need
some close confidantes in their life. Their preference for these companions
are other Sensing Feeling Judgers. They really enjoy and respect the
company of Intuitive Feelers as well, but are not able to relate to them
quite as well.
Friends of the ISFJ will value them for their warmth, dependability,
depth of emotional awareness and understanding.
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