INTJs believe in constant growth in relationships, and strive
for independence for themselves and their mates. They are constantly
embarking on "fix-up" projects to improve the overall quality of their
lives and relationships. They take their commitments seriously, but
are open to redefining their vows, if they see something which may
prove to be an improvement over the existing understanding. INTJs are not
likely to be "touchy-feely" and overly affirming with their mates or
children, and may at times be somewhat insensitive to their emotional
needs. However, INTJs are in general extremely capable and intelligent
individuals who strive to always be their best, and be moving in a positive
direction. If they apply these basic goals to their personal
relationships, they are likely to enjoy happy and healthy interaction
with their families and friends.
INTJ Strengths
- Not threatened by conflict or criticism
- Usually self-confident
- Take their relationships and commitments seriously
- Generally extremely intelligent and capable
- Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although
they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
- Interested in "optimizing" their relationships
- Good listeners
INTJ Weaknesses
- Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
- May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than
the desired emotional support
- Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
- Tendency to believe that they're always right
- Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
- Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
- Tend to hold back part of themselves
INTJs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know
was possible before." -- Rollo May |
INTJs live much of their lives inside their own heads. They
constantly scan their environment for new ideas and theories which
they can turn into plans and structures. Sometimes, what they see
and understand intuitively within themselves is more pure and "perfect"
than the reality of a close personal relationship. INTJs may have
a problem reconciling their reality with their fantasy.
INTJs are not naturally in tune with their own feelings, or with
what other people are feeling. They also have a tendency to believe
that they are always right. While their self-confidence and esteem
is attractive, their lack of sensitivity to others can be a problem
if it causes them to inadvertantly hurt their partner's feelings.
If this is a problem for an INTJ, they should remember to sometimes
let their mate be the one who is right, and to try to be aware
of the emotional effect that your words have upon them.
In conflict situations, INTJs need to remember to be supportive
to their mate's emotional needs, rather than treating the
conflict as if it is an interesting idea to analyze.
Sexually, the INTJ enjoys thinking about intimacy, and about ways
to perfect it. In positive relationships, their creativity and intensity
shine through in this arena. In more negative relationships, they might
enjoy thinking about sex more than actually doing it. They're likely
to approach intimacy from a theoretical, creative perspective, rather
than as an opportunity to express love and affection. Although, the INTJ
who has learned the importance of these kinds of expressions to the
health of their relationship is likely to be more verbally affectionate.
INTJs are able to leave relationships when they're over, and get on with
their lives. They believe that this is the right thing to do.
They may have more difficulty accomplishing the task than they like to
exhibit to other people.
INTJs are highly intense, intelligent people who bring a lot of depth
and insight into most major areas of their life. In terms of relationships,
their greatest potential pitfall is the tendency to think about things
rather than doing them, and their difficulty reconciling reality
with their inner visions. INTJs are likely to be in positive, healthy
relationships, because they're likely to leave relationships which aren't
working for them (unless other circumstances prohibit that).
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy
relationship, the INTJ's natural partner is the
ENFP, or the
ENTP.
INTJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a
partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Intuition.
How did we arrive
at this?
INTJs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran |
As parents, INTJ's main goal is to raise their children to be intelligent,
autonomous and independent. They want their kids to think for themselves
and make their own decisions, and so are likely to give them room
to grow, and to challenge their decisions and thoughts at key points in
their lives.
The INTJ is not naturally likely to be an overly supportive or loving
parental figure. Since their own need for expressions of love and
affirmation is relatively low, they may have difficulty seeing that
need in their children who have Feeling preferences. If they do see
this sensitivity, they may not recognize or value the importance of
feeding it. In such situations, there will be a distance between
the INTJ and the child. This is a problem area for the INTJ, who should
consciously remember to be aware of others' emotional needs.
INTJs as Friends
INTJs are usually difficult to get to know well, and difficult to get
close to. Those who are close to the INTJ will highly value them
for their ideas and knowledge. Although INTJs are generally very
serious-minded people, they also have been known to enjoy letting
loose and having fun, if others pull them into it. They also can
be really good at telling jokes, and exhibiting a sarcastic wit
with a poker face.
The INTJ is not likely to choose to spend time with people who
they feel don't have anything to offer the INTJ. They especially
like to spend time with other Intuitive Thinkers, and also usually
enjoy the company of Intuitive Feelers. These personality types
love to theorize and speculate about ideas, and so can usually relate
well to the INTJ, who loves to analyze ideas.
Many INTJs believe that they are always right. In some INTJs, this
belief is quite obvious, while in others it is more subtle. Some
people may have a difficult time accepting what they see as a
"superior attitude" or "snobbery". Not to imply that INTJs are
snobbish, just that some people with strong Feeling preferences
may perceive them that way. And some individuals simply have
no interest in the theoretical pursuits which the INTJ enjoys.
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