ESTPs are gregarious and fun-loving individuals who want to make the most of every moment. They love action, and always seem to be doing something. This enthusiasm is carried over to their personal relationships, which they approach with the desire to make the most of their relationships on a daily basis. They tend to get bored easily, and may be prone to switching relationships frequently unless they find an outlet for their boredom elsewhere. They approach life on a day-by-day basis, so long-term commitments are not naturally comfortable for the ESTP. They can be committed, if they take their commitments day by day.
Each type has traits and behaviors that can strengthen their relationhips. Most ESTPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues.
The first step in overcoming our weaknesses is identifying them and recognizing them in our own behavior. Once we've done that, we begin to naturally correct our weaker behaviors in real-time. ESTPs may recognize some or all of the following behaviors that can negatively impact the health of their relationships.
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." —Rollo May
ESTPs are enthusiastic and friendly people who approach everything in a Big way. They can be extremely charming, especially in the beginning of a relationship. They're also quite generous, and known for "sweeping their partners off their feet". They're very sensual and earthy, and are usually live fast-paced lives where their focus is on the present moment. They bring a lot of fun and energy into their personal relationships.
Commitment is not a strong point for the ESTP. Living almost entirely in the present moment, they're not comfortable with making plans far in advance for their future. If this tendency is not addressed in the ESTP, they may fall into a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without ever making a real commitment. If this is okay with the ESTP, then that behavior is fine. Most people at some point in their lives do wish to settle down. If the ESTP reaches that point, there's no reason they can't make a commitment as long as they consciously renew it to themselves daily.
Sexually, the ESTP approaches intimacy as a tangible, fun way to make the most of the relationship in the present moment. They're keenly aware of their senses, and so are very sensual and earthy lovers. They are likely to view intimacy from a lighter, physical perspective rather than as an opportunity for expressing a lot of verbal affection and affirmation. If partnered with someone who has the Feeling preference, they should consciously make the effort to sometimes verbally express affection during intimacy.
ESTP's are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and may lack in the areas of giving affirmation, gratitude, and support to their partners. They tend to believe that actions speak louder than words, and so don't understand the need to say things which should be obvious. Types with the Feeling preference require positive feedback in a way that ESTPs don't. The best gift that the ESTP partner can give to their Feeling partner is often the expression of their love.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESTP's natural partner is the ISFJ, or the ISTJ. ESTP's dominant function of Extraverted Sensing is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Introverted Sensing. More on ESTP compatibility
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." —Kahlil Gibran
There is a little bit of kid in every grown-up ESTP, so they're likely to really enjoy spending time "playing" with their children. The ESTP's goal with regards to parenthood is usually not structured or organized. They tend to take things as they come, and teach their kids what seems appropriate when situations occur. The ESTP is enthusiastic about both teaching their children and learning from them. They're likely to value their kids as individuals, and allow them to have their own voices in the family unit.
The ESTP doesn't believe that they have all the answers. They believe that many things in life have no obvious answer. They tend to be very down to earth individuals who do not believe that they're better than others, or that they have some great voice of authority within them. Therefore, they're likely to be their children's friend and companion more than a disciplinary guide. However, the ESTP will not have a problem with using discipline when necessary. But, the ESTP has such easy-going ways that they're not likely to see the need for discipline as frequently as some other types. This may be a point of contention between an ESTP and their parenting partner.
Highly practical and quick-acting, the ESTP is excellent to have around in an emergency. They're tuned in to everyday needs, and are likely to be good providers of practical care. They will not be overly expressive of their feelings for their children, and may be gruff and unnatural when expressing love.
In general, ESTPs are enthusiastic parents who usually form strong bonds of friendship with their offspring.
ESTPs are very good with people. They have excellent skills of observation, and know how to act appropriately with all types of people. Consequently, the ESTP can get along with just about any personality type.
The ESTP is not likely to choose to be around all of the personality types. They have little patience for iNtuitive Thinking types, who seem very abstract and theoretical to the ESTP, who values action. The ESTP is likely to choose to be around people who have similar interests to their own - such as sports-oriented interests. They will probably spend time with their friends doing things, rather than just sitting around hanging out.
The ESTP is usually quite popular, because they're enthusiastic, fast-paced, friendly, talkative, and know how to have a good time. Some ESTPs tend to "move on" quickly in life, and don't form very long friendships. Many ESTPs have lifelong friends, because although they take life day by day, they feel tremendous loyal and "brotherhood" towards their peers. They're highly valued by their friends for their fun-loving natures and loyalty.
