ESTJs are very enthusiastic people who are driven to fulfill their
obligations and duties, especially those towards their families.
Their priorities generally put God first, family second, and friends
third. They put forth a tremendous amount of effort to meet their
obligations and duties, according to their priorities.
They are dedicated and committed to their relationships, which they
consider to be lifelong and unalterable. They like to be in charge,
and may be very controlling of their mates and children. They have
high esteem for traditions and institutions, and expect that their
mates and children will support these as well. They have little patience
and need for dealing with people who see things very differently from
the ESTJ.
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know
was possible before." -- Rollo May
When an ESTJ says "I do", you can bet that they will put forth a
tremendous amount of effort and energy into fulfilling their commitment
to the relationship. They seek stability and security in their lives,
and once they have made a commitment, it is lifelong and unalterable.
They bring with them into the relationship a strong and dependable
nature, which is oriented in traditions and security. They are highly
energetic people, who never seem to lose their energy when performing
duties and fulfilling obligations.
ESTJs usually feel very strongly that they are right and that if everyone else
would listen carefully to what the ESTJ has to say, then they would understand
the way things really are, and the world would be a better place. Such a strong,
confident self-image is an asset in many ways, but can also be a detriment
in close interpersonal relationships, if the ESTJ's mate does not feel
valued for their contributions as an individual. This is a potential pitfall
for ESTJs, who should try to be aware of the fact that other people have things
to offer, even if they do not exactly follow the ESTJ's way of thinking.
If it's not possible to do this on a larger scale, the ESTJ should perhaps
focus on this area with respect to their partner's contributions.
Sexually, the ESTJ is likely to be robust, enthusiastic, and athletic.
They will tend to be traditional, and to expect sexual encounters on a
relatively scheduled basis. They're likely to approach intimacy as a
physical experience of closeness, rather than as an opportunity to
express and receive expressions of love and affection. The ESTJ will
probably have to work on remembering to express their feelings verbally,
but their mate's appreciation will make it well worth it for those who do.
In many ways, ESTJs are Guardians and Protectors by nature. They enjoy
shielding and protecting their families, and are usually quite good at it.
Their partners will appreciate and enjoy the benefits of the ESTJ's
efforts in this respect, but they may also resent the more controlling
aspects of the ESTJ's personality, which goes along with their strong
desire to shield their loved-ones. The ESTJ may consider it their duty
to instruct their spouses how to behave or what attitude to take in
certain situations, which may not be appreciated.
Conversely, the ESTJ freely gives approval and affirmation when they are
happy or impressed with their mate's behavior. Whether positive or
negative, the ESTJ's expression can be taken at face value, because these
individuals are very honest and forthright about how the feel.
ESTJs enjoy spending time with others socializing, and are likely to
strongly desire that their partners also take part in these social
activities. They are especially interested in any event which is associated
with the family, work, or any organization which the ESTJ is part of.
Since they are social creatures, they're likely to bring an emphasis on
socializing to the relationship - but only after all of their work is done.
ESTJs are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and they
may even tend to be very unobservant in these respects. This can cause
problems with mates who have a Feeling preference, who may feel hurt or
neglected by the ESTJ. If these feelings are pointed out to the ESTJ
as an important dynamic of the relationship, rather than harbored internally
by the Feeler, the ESTJ is likely to attempt to be more aware of their
mate's feelings and emotions.
The ESTJ gladly performs their duties in life, and wants to be appreciated
for doing so. This is the greatest gift that their mates can give them -
gratitude.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a
healthy relationship, ESTJ's natural partner is the
ISTP, or the
INTP.
ESTJ's dominant function of Extraverted Thinking is best matched with
someone whose dominant function is Introverted Thinking. The ESTJ/ISTP
combination is deal because it also shared the Sensing way of perceiving
the world, but the ESTJ/INTP combination is also quite good.
How did we arrive at
this?
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
ESTJs take their parenting responsibilities seriously, and enjoy the roles
and duties which they are consequently presented with. The ESTJ sees
parenthood as a natural state, and welcomes the opportunity to fulfill
their basic obligation to pass on their genes, and to raise children
to be responsible, independent adults.
ESTJs usually expect that parents should be parents, and children should be
children. There is likely to be that parent-child barrier between the ESTJ
and their kids, and they are likely to expect that their children will treat
them with respect and honor. They will have no patience for extreme deviation
from this basic rule.
ESTJs also do not have much tolerance for inefficiency or messiness. They
dislike to see mistakes repeated. Consequently, ESTJ parents may have a
difficult time with their children who have Intuitive or Perceiving
preferences. They are extremely practical, and have no understanding or value
for the creative imaginations of highly Intuitive children. They will also
have little patience with the unstructured, "go with the flow" attitude of
their Perceiving children. This impatience with other types is a potential
downfall for the ESTJ which may manifest itself in an ugly way if the
rift occurs with their own children. The ESTJ should remember that what is
right for them is not necessarily right for their children.
Whatever difficulties an ESTJ may experience with their child, they will
always accept that child back as their own. They are strongly driven to fulfill
their duties, and see parenting as one of these "must do" obligations.
Children of the ESTJ will usually remember them as dependable, reliable,
strict, traditional, and always willing to sacrifice themself for the sake of
their children.
Although ESTJs typically put their family above their friends, they do
enjoy and value their friendships. They enjoy having fun and spending time
with others, especially those who share their interests and pursuits.
They are likely to choose to spend free time with friends pursuing some
activity or hobby - probably athletic or sports-oriented. They're likely
to socialize quite a bit with their own family members, and with people
who belong to the same organization or institution as the ESTJ.
ESTJs are usually status-conscious, and will respect others who they
feel have acheived a high degree of success in our society. Although
ESTJs have very high standards for behavior, and believe that they know
what is appropriate and best in any given situation, they're likely to
be less controlling with those who they feel are powerful individuals.
ESTJs will have little patience with people who seem frivolous or
extremely untraditional. Conversely, those who live entirely
in the current moment (Sensing Perceivers) may not appreciate the
ESTJ's strong judgments, which may seem overly traditional to them.
ESTJs are likely to bond best with other ESTJ, or with people of
any type, if they share a common interest or goal.
ESTJs tend to be enthusiastic, sharp, and witty. They like to hear
good jokes, and enjoy telling them as well. They're valued by their friends
for being dependable and upbeat, and easily engaged in various pursuits.
The ESTJ is generally very opinionated, and likes to appear authoritative
and in charge. They may temper this tendency when around other ESTJs whom
they value. Around other types, this tendency may cause them to be abrupt
and direct, to the point where they inadvertantly step on people's toes.
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ESTJ Strengths
ESTJ Weaknesses
ESTJs as Lovers
ESTJs as Parents
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
ESTJs as Friends