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ESFPs are fun and delightful to be with. They live for the moment, and know
how to make the most of each moment. They are genuinely, warmly interested in
people, and love to make others happy. They're usually very kind-hearted
and generous, and are always going out of their way to do something nice for
someone. Their affection is simple, straight-forward and honest.
They dislike theory and complexities. They often resist forming
relationships which require them to function on a high Intuitive or
Thinking level. They prefer for things to be light and happy, although their
warmth and affection runs deep.
Their potential downfall is the tendency to live
entirely for the present moment, and therefore to sometimes be unaware of
the direction that their relationship is heading, or to be easily distracted
from long-term commitments.
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know
was possible before." -- Rollo May
ESFPs embrace their love relationships in a Big way - similar to the way
they approach their lives in general. They love to be in love, and will try
to make the most of each moment. They take things on a day-by-day basis,
and are uncomfortable thinking too much about the future, or making plans
far in advance. For this reason, ESFPs are not natural long-term commitment
people. They may feel tremendously committed on a day-by-day basis, but they
do not naturally plan for their futures.
This commitment issue is a potential pitfall for the ESFP. Many people of
this type overcome this potential weakness, and become involved in truly
satisfying, lifelong relationships. Others do not address this weakness,
and move from relationship
to relationship without forming real commitments, convincing themselves
that this is what they truly want.
Sexually, the ESFP is a very earthy and sensual individual who
seeks and enjoys intimate contact with their partners. Living in the
here-and-now, they throughly embrace and enjoy the experience with all five senses.
They are generous and warm, and highly interested in making their partners happy.
ESFPs tend to be materialistic, and somewhat caught up in "what others
think" of them. They should take care that this doesn't interfere with their
personal relationships, since many of the others types will not be able to relate
to their perspectives on these matters.
ESFPs do not handle conflict well at all. They take any sort of
criticism very personally, and consider it to be a general
indictment of their character. They may react with anger and harsh
words which they would later like to take back. ESFPs would do themselves
a favor if they would come to realize that criticism can be looked
at constructively, rather than destructively. If they can hear
criticism without feeling personally threatened, the ESFP will have come
a very long way towards greatly improving the strength and health of their
relationships.
ESFPs are extremely literal and concrete when communicating.
They say things in a very direct, abrupt manner, and can sometimes
even unintentionally seem quite harsh. They like things to be communicated to
them in a similar, concrete fashion. They dislike theory and abstraction,
and will frequently misunderstand the jist of a communication if it is
not communicated in a factual, present-tense manner. Discussions regarding
the future or the past are not the ESFP's strong suit, and in fact they're
likely to miscontrue future-looking statements as something that needs
immediate attention. When they discover that the discussion is not
regarding an immediate concern, they become disinterested.
ESFPs are in general very warm and giving people, with simple needs and demands
from their partners. They just want to be happy, and want to bring happiness to
others. They are energetic and popular individuals who will liven up the
social life of the couple, and keep many new experiences on the
horizon.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy
relationship, ESFP's natural partner is the
ISTJ, or the
ISFJ.
ESFP's dominant Extraverted Sensing function is best matched with a personality
that is dominated by Introverted Sensing.
How did we arrive at
this?
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
The ESFP's "go with the flow", fun-loving attitude will extend to
the raising of their children. They are warm and affectionate parents,
and are great for giving practical care to their children. They like
to do things in a Big way, and enjoy big families.
The ESFP will freely give love and affection to their children, but
they frequently have
a problem with defining a structured, orderly environment for them,
and they may rely on their mates in this regard. Ultimately, the
ESFP likely believes that too much structure is not a healthy thing
for anyone, and so they're unlikely to enforce a highly structured or
disciplined environment. If this trait is strongly present in the ESFP,
and is not counteracted by their mate's perspective, it could be
considered a potential pitfall for the ESFP parent. Children need some
structure which can be depended upon as they grow up.
The ESFP is very practical and concrete in their daily needs, and are usually
quite good at taking care of their children's daily needs. Although their
approach to life is frequently "ad-lib", and their lives are almost always
extremely full of exciting events, the ESFP is very good at juggling many
things at once, which makes them especially good at handling the various
issues which come up in a large family.
ESFPs tend to have difficulty with the authoritarian role, preferring to
be their children's friend. However, they do expect to be given respect
and to be obeyed when necessary, and will fall into the role of
parental authoritarian at times. This can be frustrating for some children,
especially those with strong Judging tendencies, as they will
not know what to expect from their ESFP parent.
ESFPs are usually remembered fondly by their children for being fun-loving,
upbeat, and affectionate, although somewhat scattered.
ESFPs are highly enthusiastic and effervescent. They are usually very
popular, because people are naturally drawn towards them. They get such
genuine delight and enjoyment from experiences which they encounter in life,
and they love nothing better than to draw a crowd of people along with
them for the sheer fun of it. ESFPs try to turn every day into a party,
and they're usually successful at doing so.
ESFPs are highly valued for their ability to have a good time, and for
their genuine warmth and interest towards people. They are extremely
in tune with their five senses, and may be prone to overload them with
too much alcohol, food, or drugs. They get along with all sorts of
people, although they're not interested in spending time with people
who they find boring, or who expect the ESFP to communicate with them
on an Intuitive or Thinking level. Some people may disapprove of the
ESFP's fun-oriented lifestyle. Others may be put off by their
very stright-forward and blunt speaking style. The ESFP is likely to
especially enjoy spending time with other Extraverts who have the
Feeling preference, although they may have a special place in their hearts
for people of any preference.
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ESFP Strengths
ESFP Weaknesses
ESFPs as Lovers
ESFPs as Parents
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
ESFPs as Friends
