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ENFPs take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with
a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in
their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things
work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested
in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are
able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.
Energetic and effervescent, the ENFP is sometimes
smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth
and high ideals.
Most ENFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationships issues:
Most ENFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know
was possible before." -- Rollo May
ENFPs make warm, considerate, passionate partners who are generally willing, eager, and able
to do whatever it takes to make The Relationship a positive place to be. They are enthusiastic,
idealistic, focused on other people's feelings, and very flexible. These attributes combine
to make them especially interested in positive personal relationships, and also makes them
very able to promote strong relationships in fun and creative ways. ENFPs take their
commitments very seriously, and are generally deeply loyal and faithful to their partners.
There are a couple of difficult relationship areas for the ENFP. The first problem
is that many ENFPs have a problem leaving bad relationships. They tend to internalize
any problems and take them on their own shoulders, believing that the success or failure of
the relationship is their own responsibility. As perfectionists, they don't like to admit
defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do
leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there
was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.
On the entirely other end of the spectrum, many ENFPs have a difficult time staying focused and
following things through to completion. If they have not focused on their ability to follow
through, they may have problems staying in dedicated, monogamous
relationships. They are so in tune with all of the exciting possibilities of what could be,
that they will always fantasize about a greener pasture out there somewhere. If they are
not paired with a partner who enjoys new experiences, or who shares their idealistic enthusiasm,
the ENFP may become bored. The ENFP who is bored and who is not focused will be very unhappy,
and will eventually "leave" the relationship if the problem is not addressed.
Since relationships are central to the ENFP's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved
with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their
partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering,
but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.
Sexually, The ENFP is creative, perfectionistic, playful and affectionate. Their rich
fantasy world makes them fun and creative lovers, who usually have new ideas up their
sleeves. They whole-heartedly embrace the opportunity for closeness with their mates,
believing sexual intimacy to be a positive, fun way to express how much you love each
other.
The ENFP needs to be given positive assurance and affirmation. More than one ENFP
has been known to "go fishing" for compliments. They like to hear from
their significant others that they are loved and valued, and are willing and eager to return
the favor. They enjoy lavishing love and affection on their mates, and are creative and
energetic in their efforts to please. The ENFP gets a lot of their personal satisfaction
from observing the happiness of others, and so is generally determined to please and serve
their partners.
A problem area for ENFPs in relationships is their dislike of conflict and sensitivity
to criticism. They are perfectionists who believe that any form of criticism is a stab
at their character, which is very difficult for them to take. Conflict situations are
sources of extreme stress to the ENFP. They have a tendency to brush issues under the rug
rather than confront them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also prone
to "give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to
something which goes against their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such
cases, the problem is extended and will return at a later time. The ENFP needs to realize
that conflict situations are not the end of the world. They are entirely normal, and can be
quite helpful for the growth of a relationship. They also need to work on taking criticism
for what it is, rather than blowing up any negative comment into an indictment against their
entire character.
Generally, the ENFP is a warm and affirming creature who is very interested and able to
have an intense, meaningful, close relationship with their mate.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a
healthy relationship, ENFP's natural partner is the
INTJ, or the
INFJ.
ENFP's dominant function of Extraverted Intuition is best matched with a
partner whose dominant function is Introverted Intuition.
How did we arrive at
this?
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
ENFPs take their parenting role very seriously, but are also very playful. There's a bit
of grown-up kid in every ENFP, so they get a lot of fun and enjoyment from playing with
their children. However, they consider it essential to pass their strongly-held
values and beliefs down to their children, and will strive consistently to create a
positive, ideal environment for their children's growth.
The ENFP may exhibit an inconsistency in their roles with their children. At one moment,
they might be their child's best friend, laughing and whooping it up, and in the next moment they
may appear the stern authoritarian. This inconsistency seems to be a result of a conflict
between the ENFP's genuine desire to relate to their children on the children's level,
and their compulsion to follow their deeply-felt value system. In other words, the ENFP
wants to be their child's friend, but if a value is violated, they will revert to the
parental role to make sure their children understand the violation.
This inconsistency may be confusing and frustrating for the children.
The children of ENFPs generally feel loved, because the ENFP gives their children plenty of
genuine warmth and support. They usually value their children as individuals, allowing
them room for growth. The ENFP's enthusiasm and affection may at times seem smothering to
their children. This will be especially true for children with strong Thinking or
Sensing preferences, who will have a difficult time understanding the effervescence of the
ENFP, and will feel at times embarassed by the ENFP's enthusiasm and tendency to display
their affection publicly.
The ENFP is able to take care of day-to-day necessities, such as picking children up at the
correct times, getting them to softball practice, getting them fed, etc. However, it is a
chore for the ENFP and is not a natural strength. The ENFP also has a difficult time
disciplining their children, unless a very strongly-held value has been violated.
The rich imagination and creativity of the ENFP parent creates a fun, dynamic and exciting
environment for kids. The ENFP's strong value system turns experiences into meaningful
lessons for their children. The ENFP parent is valued by their children for their
warm, affirming natures, and their fun-loving approach to living.
ENFPs are warm and sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's feelings
and perspectives. They are energetic and fun to be with. They are very affirming, and
get great satisfaction from supporting and lifting up others. They are idealists who
seek authenticity in their personal relationships. ENFPs are valued by their peers
and confidantes as warm, supportive, giving people.
In the workplace or other casual relationship environments, the ENFP is likely to get
along well with almost all other types of people. ENFPs are genuinely interested
in people, and are highly perceptive about them, to the point where they're able
to understand and relate to all of the personality types with relative ease.
They like to see the best in others, and
are likely to bring out the best in others. While they are generally accepting of
most all people, ENFPs with strong Feeling preferences may have a difficult time understanding
people with very strong Thinking preferences who do not respond to the ENFP's enthusiastic
warmth. The ENFP will stay open-minded about what they consider a "rejection" by the Thinker,
until the situation has repeated itself a few times, in which case the ENFP may shut themselves
entirely against the Thinker.
ENFPs may also feel threatened by individuals with strong Judging preferences.
With a tendency to take any criticism personally, the ENFP may find themselves
irritated or emotional when the Judger expresses a negative opinion, believing
somehow that the Judger is expressing disapproval or disappointment in the ENFP.
For close friendships, ENFPs are especially drawn to other iNtuitive Feeling types, and to
other Extraverts who are also enthusiastic about life. Like the other iNtuitive Feeling
types, the ENFP needs authenticity and depth in their close relationships. They're likely
to have friends from all walks of life who they feel close to and care about, but will have
only a few very close friends with similar ideals to their own.
The ENFP also tends to value the company of iNtuitive Thinkers.
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ENFP Strengths
ENFP Weaknesses
ENFPs as Lovers
ENFPs as Parents
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
ENFPs as Friends
