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As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ESFJs are people persons - they love people, and are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.
The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.
ESFJs are warm and energetic. They are giving people, who get a lot of personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They're very sensitive to the needs of others, and freely give practical care, asking only in return for their generosity to be appreciated. They want to be appreciated for their caring natures—for who they are, and what they have to give. They need this approval from others to feel good about themselves, and are hurt by indifference, which they see as a form of unkindness.
ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.
With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people and understanding the feeling-based vibes of their community. It's extremely important to them to be seen and accepted as someone who upholds the important human values of their community, which sometimes translates into a need to be liked by everyone. In such cases, an ESFJ might change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with in the moment. If they're with someone outside of their community, with different values, they might suspend their value judgments, simply to fit in.
The ESFJ's values are formed externally, by the environment in which they grew up and in which they live as adults. They have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. They weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system, as Introverted Feelers do. The ESFJ has a strong moral code that's defined by the community in which they live, rather than by any strongly felt internal values. They are a super-reliable gauge of what is socially acceptable, and don't relate to the Introverted Feeling manner of putting personal beliefs above what's best for society at large.
ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure, and of real value to their family, friends, and the world at large. Those who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. In such cases, the ESFJ might genuinely believe in the integrity of their skewed value system, without having any understanding of internal values to set them straight. In weighing their values against society, they might find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ might be a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate others to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.
All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should mind their tendency to try to control others when encountered with proof that they don't want to be controlled.
ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.
An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. They might adopt the more negative aspects of being controlling, or be overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions where there weren't any.
In some ways, ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. The "ideal woman" of old would almost certainly have been an ESFJ. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.
ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.