INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world. They appear to be tranquil and peaceful to
others, with simple desires. In fact, the INFP internally feels his or her life intensely.
In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring
which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. INFPs do not
share their
intensity of feeling with anyone; they tend to be reserved about expressing their
inner-most feelings, and reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few.
INFPs are generally laid-back, supportive and nurturing in their
close relationships.
With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they're very sensitive and in-tune
with people's feelings, and feel genuine concern and caring for others.
Slow to trust others and cautious in the beginning of a relationship,
an INFP will be fiercely loyal once they are committed.
With their strong inner core of values, they are intense individuals who
value depth and authenticity in their relationships, and hold those who understand
and accept the INFP's perspectives in especially high regard. INFPs are usually adaptable
and congenial, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which
case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be
uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation.
INFP Strengths
Most INFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues:
- Warmly concerned and caring towards others
- Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling
- Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
- Deep capacity for love and caring
- Driven to meet other's needs
- Strive for "win-win" situations
- Nurturing, supportive and encouraging
- Likely to recognize and appreciate other's need for space
- Able to express themselves well
- Flexible and diverse
INFP Weaknesses
Most INFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:
- May tend to be shy and reserved
- Don't like to have their "space" invaded
- Extreme dislike of conflict
- Extreme dislike of criticism
- Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation
- May react very emotionally to stressful situations
- Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
- Have difficulty scolding or punishing others
- Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings
- Perfectionistic tendancies may cause them to not give themselves enough credit
- Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders
INFPs as Lovers
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as
the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to
joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know
was possible before." -- Rollo May |
INFPs feel tremendous loyalty and commitment to their relationships.
With the Feeling preference dominating their personality, harmony
and warm feelings are central to the INFP's being. They feel a need
to be in a committed, loving relationship. If they are not involved
in such a relationship, the INFP will be either actively searching for
one, or creating one in their own minds.
INFPs' tendency to be idealistic and romantically-minded may cause them
to fantasize
frequently about a "more perfect" relationship or situation. They may
also romanticize their mates into having qualities which they do not
actually possess. Most INFPs have a problem with reconciling their highly
idealistic and romantic views of life with the reality of their own lives,
and so they are constantly somewhat unsettled with themselves
and with their close personal relationships. However, the INFP's
deeply-felt, sincere love for their mates and their intense dislike of
conflict keeps the INFP loyal to their relationships, in spite of their
troubles achieving peace of mind.
Unlike other types who tend to hold their mates up on a pedastal, the
INFP's tendency to do so does not really turn into a negative thing
in the relationship. INFPs hold tightly to their ideals, and work hard
at constantly seeing their mates up on that pedastal. The frequent INFP
result is a strongly affirming, proud and affectionate attitude towards
their mates which stands the test of time.
INFPs are not naturally interested in administrative matters such as
bill-paying and house-cleaning, but they can be very good at performing
these tasks when they must. They can be really good money managers
when they apply themselves.
Sexually, the INFP is likely to be initially slow to open up to their mates.
Once their trust has been earned, the INFP will view sexual intimacy as
an opportunity for expressing their deep-seated love and affection. More
than the actual sexual act, they will value giving and receiving love
and sweet words. With their tendency to enjoy serving others, they may
value their mates satisfaction above their own.
One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict
and criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical
comment, whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to
take any sort of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will
usually become irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be
a real problem for INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and
Judging preferences. "TJ"s relate to others with a objective, decisive attitude
that frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the
opinion is negative, the TJ's attitude may be threatening to the INFP,
who will tend to respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely
but emphatically convinced that the negativity is somehow the INFP's fault.
For INFPs with extremely dominant Feeling preferences who have not developed
their Intuitive sides sufficiently to gather good data for their decision
making processes, their dislike of conflict and criticism can foretell doom
and gloom for intimate relationships. These INFPs will react with extreme
emotional distress to conflict situations, and will not know what to do
about it. Since they will have no basis for determining what action to
take, they will do whatever they can to get rid of the conflict - which
frequently means lashing out irrationally at others, or using guilt
manipulation to get their mates to give them the positive support that they
crave. This kind of behavior does not bode well for healthy, long-term
relationships. Individuals who recognize this tendency in themselves should
work on their ability to take criticism objectively rather than personally.
They should also try to remember that conflict situations are not always
their fault, and they're definitely not the end of the world. Conflict is
a fact of life, and facing it and addressing it immediately avoids having
to deal with it in the future, after it has become a much larger problem.
INFPs are very aware of their own space, and the space of others. They
value their personal space, and the freedom to do their own thing. They will
cherish the mate who sees the INFP for who they are, and respects their
unique style and perspectives. The INFP is not likely to be overly
jealous or possessive, and is likely to respect their mate's privacy and
independence. In fact, the INFP is likely to not only respect their
mate's perspectives and goals, but to support them with loyal firmness.
In general, INFPs are warmly affirming and loving partners who make the
health of their relationships central in their lives. Although cautious
in the beginning, they become firmly loyal to their committed relationships,
which are likely to last a lifetime. They take their relationships very
seriously, and will put forth a great deal of effort into making them
work.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy
relationship, INFP's natural partner is the
ENFJ, or the
ESFJ.
INFP's dominant function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a
partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Feeling. The INFP/ENFJ
combination is ideal, because it shares the Intuiting way of perceiving, but
the INFP/ESFJ combination is also a good match.
How did we arrive at
this?
INFPs as Parents
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran |
INFPs are "natural" parents. They accept and enjoy the parental role, seeing it
as the natural extension of their value systems. They make use of the parental
role for developing and defining their values further, and consider it their task
to pass their values on to their children. They take their role quite seriously.
Warm, affirming, and flexible, the INFP generally makes a gentle and easy-going
parent in many respects.
INFPs do not like conflict situations, and will keep themselves flexible and
diverse to promote a positive, conflict-free environment in their home.
The INFP is not naturally prone to dole out punishment or discipline, and
so is likely to adapt to their mate's disciplinary policy, or to rely on
their mates to administer discipline with the children. In the absence of
a mating parent, the INFP will need to make a conscious effort of creating
a structure for their children to live within.
Although the INFP dislikes punishing others, they hold strong values and will not
tolerate the violation of a strongly-held belief. If they feel that their child
has truly committed a wrong, the INFP parent will not have a problem administering
discipline. They will directly confront the child, stubbornly digging in their heels
and demanding recourse.
The INFP parent is likely to value their children as individuals, and to give them
room for growth. They will let the children have their own voice and place in the
family.
Extremely loving and devoted parents, INFPs will fiercely protect and support
their children. If there is an issue involving "taking sides", you can bet the
INFP will always be loyal to their children.
INFPs are usually remembered by their children as loving, patient, devoted,
and flexible parents.
INFPs as Friends
INFPs are warm and caring individuals who highly value authenticity and depth
in their personal relationships. They are usually quite perceptive about
other people's feelings and motives, and are consequently able to get along
with all sorts of different people. However, the INFP will keep their true selves
reserved from others except for a select few, with whom they will form close and
lasting friendships. With their high ideals, they are likely to
be drawn to other iNtuitive Feelers for their closer friendships.
With their strong need for harmony and dislike of conflict, INFPs may feel
threatened by people with strong Judging and Thinking preferences.
Although they're
likely to be able to work well professionally with such individuals, they
may have difficulty accepting or appreciating them on a personal level.
They generally feel a kinship and affinity with other Feeling types.
INFPs will be valued by their confidantes as genuine, altruistic, deep,
caring, original individuals.
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