Portrait of an Extraverted Feeling Judging (EFJ) child
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Portrait of an EFJ Child

(Extraverted Feeling Judging)

EFJ traits

  1. Friendly and outgoing
  2. Very sensitive and in tune with others' feelings
  3. They become very upset by conflict
  4. Upbeat and enthusiastic
  5. They are perfectionists, and can be very hard on themselves
  6. Enjoy people, and need a lot of interaction with others
  7. Dislike being alone
  8. They love to please people, and may go to great lengths for their approval
  9. Big talkers
  10. Show a desire to take care of others
  11. They usually need a lot of physical affection
  12. Enjoy being the center of attention
  13. Thrive on praise, and can be crushed by criticism
  14. Active and energetic
  15. They usually enjoy school
  16. They're independent and want to do things for themselves
  17. They prefer to lead rather than follow
  18. They are decisive and authoritative

Potential strengths

  1. They have kind, sweet and open natures
  2. They make friends easily, and are usually popular
  3. They are structured and organized, although they may or may not be very neat
  4. They are usually dependable and hard working
  5. They are good at making plans and usually follow through on them
  6. They will respect and follow rules if they are clearly defined and consistently enforced
  7. They are usually well-mannered and well-behaved children, probably because they crave social approval
  8. They can read other people very well, and know how to get on their good sides
  9. They are charming and fun

Potential Weaknesses

  1. Their intense and passionate feelings make them hyper-sensitive
  2. They're so interested in pleasing others that they might do things that they don't really want to do
  3. They may be overly loud and exciteable
  4. They want to please others so much that they will lie or exaggerate to say something that they think someone wants to hear
  5. Cannot take criticism at all without becoming very upset
  6. Can be controlling and manipulative
  7. They may tend to make decisions too quickly, without understanding all of the facts
  8. They tend to get in the middle of other people's problems
  9. They need to talk a lot about their feelings in order to get them into perspective
  10. They are uncomfortable with change and do not usually adapt well to new situations

EFJ learning style

EFJ children usually enjoy going to school, because it meets many of their natural needs. They always find people to interact with at school and they enjoy the structured environment. They are usually responsible and hard working students, although their interest in being social may cause them to be easily distracted in the classroom.

An EFJ's need to constantly interact with others makes it difficult for them to sit quietly and do a project on their own. They greatly prefer group projects, and usually do better when they can talk through their ideas and tasks out loud with others. If an EFJ is allowed to work with a friend rather than working alone, he or she will almost always be happier and more productive.

EFJs have a strong need for harmony and are quickly unsettled by conflict. They need to feel that their teacher likes them in order to be able to function well in a given class. If the child and teacher have not formed a bond, the EFJ child may assume that the teacher does not like them. A teacher should take a few extra moments to get to know the EFJ child, and let the child know that they are glad to have them in their class.

EFJs are most comfortable when the rules and expectations are spelled out clearly. Before they can complete any task or assignment, they will want to have a plan. If the task is not already planned out, they need to have the rules and goals clearly defined so that they can create a plan.

EFJ special needs

Finding a way to discipline their EFJ without crushing their spirit will be a difficult task for many parents. EFJ children are hyper-sensitive to criticism, and can be completely disable by punishment. Parents can diminish the need to punish their EFJ children by clearing defining the rules and expectations for the child's behavior. Rules should be enforced consistently and as kindly as possible. If you need to discipline your child, make sure that they know that you are doing it for their own good, and that you still love them.

Parents and teachers of EFJ children should give them positive feedback as often as possible. Some Thinking adults often do not express love or admiration. They believe that their kids know how they feel, so it's not necessary to express themselves over and over again. Feeling children need to hear the feedback. If an adult doesn't give them any feedback at all, this is often equal to negative feedback in the Feeling child's mind.

EFJ children feel things intensely and passionately. They will carry this trait with them throughout their lives. It's important that they're not made to feel guilty or foolish for having such strong feelings. Some well-meaning parents might not want their children to have such emotional reactions to situations, and may try to downplay their children's feelings. That is a mistake. EFJ children will grow into EFJ adults, and nothing will change that. However, the EFJ's parents will influence the child's general happiness and effectiveness throughout their lives. Parents should encourage their EFJ children to share their feelings, and should listen to them without harsh judgment.

EFJs love to be socially active and feel like part of a group. They also thrive on opportunities to help others. These attributes are some of the strongest that they will have to offer in their lives. To encourage their healthy development, EFJs should be encouraged to participate in group activites like Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts. They will also benefit from organized religion and community volunteer work. Team sports are an excellent outlet for their abundant physical energy, as well as their social needs.

EFJs are uncomfortable with change, and will probably approach an unknown situation with caution and reserve. Parents and caregivers should give their EFJ time to adjust to the idea rather than pushing them. Helping the EFJ child to see the new situation within the context of something that the EFJ has already experienced will help them adjust.

The "missing" letter

Adult personality types contain four letters, while for kids aged 7-12 we use three letter types. What happened to the missing letter? It's there, we just can't usually determine what it is until after a person is 13 years old. EFJ kids will grow up to be either ESFJ "Caregivers" or ENFJ "Givers". At this stage in their development, it's not obvious whether they will choose Intuition or Sensing to complement their Feeling preference. You will see the child practicing both Intuition and Sensing as they settle down into their preferred function. In some children, it's possible to distinguish their "missing" letter, but for many kids we just have to wait a few years to be sure.